12:42 am

It's early morning and I have plans to workout tomorrow morning at 7am. I don't know if that will happen because I am struggling being able to get to sleep. It's weird because I was tired all day long, I've heard that if you get up early and do a workout when you're exhausted that it doesn't do anything for you because your body is so tired. I think I might just go for an extra hour of sleep instead of waking up.

I wish I had normal sleeping habits!

Reigning it back in.

I had fun while it lasted, but it's finally time to jump back on the 100% healthy train. Tomorrow I am ditching all the fake sugar drinks and sticking to water, and I think I am finally done with my eating out binge. I am still working out pretty much everyday but I know that it's 80% nutrition when you're trying to lose weight and get healthy.

One thing that I really struggle with is mixing up my workouts so that my body can stay confused and keep working. I have to keep finding new things to do!

Satisfaction.

I always have 1000 thoughts racing in my head, each of those thoughts always lead to more thoughts, most of my friends will tell you that I have a very odd mind. Tonight the topic in my brain was: Satisfaction.

When will I be satisfied? When I can see my ribs, when I get 100+ likes on a face book picture, when I am capable of having a significant other? When will enough be enough? When I fall in love, adopt a child, own a farm house? When am I ever satisfied? More importantly, when will I know I am satisfied? What does that feel like.

I think I'll settle for happy

The pressure of being a gym class hero.

The pressure of being a hero got me when I was about 1 day old, I started gaining weight from then. I didn't stop until June 2011, I was 310 pounds and miserable. I made a change. It wan't easy and it didn't happen quickly. I just walked. Every day there was a mountain of a hill by my old house and I would climb it, again, and again. I started losing and I felt GREAT! Of course as is every weight loss journey I have hit snags and had bumps, I have binged until I couldn't move. I try and get up everyday and start new, today is no longer yesterday. 

I try and workout 6 days a week, I play rugby, live a college life (kinda), and lately I have a problem with eating out. I just want a place to talk, to type when I can't talk and to try and sort things out from my jumbled thought process.